Recovery from Charlotte was much quicker than I anticipated. I was eager to have a purpose again and half way through the three week break before the NJ Beast I was planning to hike the course. I had been doing consistent work, put in a few runs, and was following my nutrition plan. I felt strong, determined and ready to take on the challenge. Yet I could not shake lingering doubt and worry. I was frustrated, stressed out, and not sure of my decision. I have raced plenty of times without being 100% but thoughts danced in and out of my head constantly about this race.
Or was it my intuition that wouldn't let this rest? Logically rationalizing the situation told me that this race contributed absolutely nothing to my goal for the year. My goal lies in a single race on October 15th. The NJ Beast would not contribute in a positive way and had a high chance of impacting me negatively. Injury, small or large, would push back my training even further than it already has been.
Was I scared of failing...scared of getting hurt...scared of finishing? Why couldn't my ego let this one go? My stomach was tied in knots. As I began verbalizing not doing the race, my anxiety lessened. At some point I accepted the fact that the risk was not worth it, and knowing my body wasn't going to face something it wasn't ready for brought on a wave of relief.