3 years ago I had just graduated college, spent a week in Las Vegas, and was beginning my career with a full time job. From the outside things looked great, but on the inside things were very wrong. I felt like I was drowning on dry land, I was depressed and hated everything about my life. I didn’t feel good enough; my accomplishments felt hollow and anti-climactic. Deep down I regretted many things I was doing, and the opinions I valued most were by people who didn’t care about me at all. When I looked in the mirror I absolutely hated everything I saw.
To be honest, I really don’t know what my tipping point was. I think it was just an accumulation of things and somehow realizing I was at rock bottom.
I decided I was going to lose weight and stop using it as an excuse for not having all the things I wanted in life like happiness, a relationship, and respect. Little did I know, three years later my journey would yield those results, but not in the way I envisioned. Not what I wanted, but a million times better.
I hired a trainer for once a week sessions and started sweating away. I started learning about nutrition and loved the way I was beginning to feel. I was finally doing something I felt good about. I started realizing some of my weekend habits were slowing my weight loss. I started easing up on the partying, which opened my eyes to a whole slew of problems. I wasn’t doing those things for fun, I was doing it to numb the pain and avoid facing my real issues like being unhappy with my life and having no self-respect.
And then I found OCR; a sport that puts you against yourself, but is full of teamwork and comradery. The mental and physical challenges lit a fire in me that I had never felt before. The first time I crossed a finish line I knew I was hooked. I had to keep pushing and bettering myself. I had to find my limits and push past them; I had to prove the old me, who never thought I could – wrong. I have shed blood, sweat and tears on my journey. There were times I fell so hard I didn’t know if I could get back up. Each time I came close to quitting I would look back and remember the old me: broken, sad, and pessimistic. I never want to be her again. I never will be her again.
That is what OCR, weight loss, and fitness have brought into my life. I am not a finished product, I have tons of room to grow (and shrink) yet. I am not a finished product, and that is #WHYIRACE. Why do you?